I missed you dad….....

34 years today,my father passed away. He died in hospital suffering from a heart attack. What upset me most was,I wasn’t by his bedside when he died. In fact someone called me at my workplace saying that my father was admitted to hospital and being on the 1^st of April,I thought he was playing an April Fool’s joke on me,but,not until late afternoon when two policemen came knocking on my door bringing in the bad news. The funny thing about the whole episode was that on that day,1st April 1973,I felt so uneasy and restless and at one point of time ,I felt a sudden pain in my chest. A bad sign indeed.

Any way,things had past and life has to go on. Being the eldest,I was really depressed from his sudden departure,leaving behind 11 brothers & sisters,a mum & grandmother to take care off, apart from my own family to feed. We don’t owe a house, and has to rent one instead. Financially, we were really in a fixed,because all my brothers and sisters,with the exception of two, were still schooling. However,I managed to weather the storm and managed to put all of them thru school with whatever little that I had.

Initially,we were a happy lot,but as one by one started having their own family,brotherly relationships started to get strained and awry. Many left without a word and there were little or no correspondence or visitation between them and me. Though,a couple of them do pay a visit during the Eid festival. The last time I remembered that we were together was a few years back upon the demise of our younger sister. That,too,was only a brief encounter before everyone went seperate ways.

I am just fed up with their attitude. To me whether they remember me as a brother who had sacrificed everything for them doesn’t matter anymore. Whether they visit me or not, I don’t give a damn,"ibarat kacang lupakan kulit”. Though I missed them,but I have my children and a cute grand daughter to comfort me. Let me spend the last few years of my life with fun and galore,before my time is up, as in Roger Daltrey's song.......

"Before my time is up
I'll hang my name
On every trial I'm due for
And even if I can't get justice
I'll take you down to hell
Before my time is up
I'll leave no stone unturned
I won't regret my actions
And even if my last words fail me
I'll be a better man
Before my time is up..."

cheers.